You are the vital force of the universe, you are life itself and the witness of life "My struggle is that I constantly seek pleasure"
That is not yourself speaking. That is the thought. Thought says "I am this person. I struggle with seeking pleasure". That thought appears in the vast consciousness that you are. You are not any of the content within consciousness, you are that in which it (thoughts, emotions and sensations) all appear. What happens when we identify as thought is that we appear to become that thought and see life through the filter of that thought. Thoughts by themselves have absolutely no power, but the moment you give them the power of your belief, they are able to appear as reality. That reality is not the absolute reality, it is only a thought believed in, then appearing to be true. That thought is perceived, it is perceived by the awareness that you are and you can be aware of the awareness that you are very easily. That awareness is life, and it is what you are in essence. That awareness itself is seen (by itself, not by someone), meaning you are both life and the witness of life, one being. You must not believe yourself to be anything appearing in consciousness, know that you are the nothingness in which they all are able to appear. Thoughts, emotions and sensations can't appear without the awareness to perceive them, you are that awareness, and that awareness can be observed also. Be in that place in which you observe the awareness of thoughts. Rest in that peace, that is your silent place within. That is the home within. That is the universal ever-present truth of existence itself. You are that. I bury myself in this rabbit hole and afterwards I feel awful about myself.
That is also thought saying "I bury myself" and then you (consciousness, pure awareness of the present moment) give it the power of your belief, and then it appears as if it is true, and you also are able to perceive the suffering of the thought and the emotion and sensations it brings, that is only because you are like water, you can take any form, and will feel as if you are that form. Truly you are formless, you choose to be any form you want to be, you are infinitely (literally) powerful and you must always know this. That which says "I feel awful about myself" is just a thought feeling awful about a thought. It is not yourself, these thoughts have nothing to do with you, they merely appear within the infiniteness that you are, you choose whether you believe that thought and the identification with it or simply observe it and let it go where it came from. (nothingness) "It takes away from being present and I just wanna stop and repurpose my time and energy to positive activities."
That is not what is taking you away from presence, what is taking you away from presence is believing thoughts and expecting life to be a certain way. You have expectations of life to be aligned with whatever the thought desires. It doesn't work with that, instead of aligning life with appearing thoughts, instead align thought with life. Root the attention in the silence of your being, and simply move in that is-ness, in that silence. Do not entertain any thoughts and do not waste any time believing any of them. Do not have any desire to repurpose your time, do not have any desire to do any positive activities. Let go all of expectations completely, be with whatever is present in the present moment, do not ask for it to change, only once you are present with whatever is, that you realize the power of the present moment and realize change can happen, but it is only when there are no expectations and no thought, only silence and presence. You must realize yourself to be the vital force of the universe by noticing you are aware in this present moment. Rest the attention only on this awareness. - Sebastian Key
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